Trying to be Happy

I have been consumed by negative thoughts, and emotions during the last two weeks. I need to find a path to peace. It is difficult to try to see my less than caring boss as a human being with feelings and let go of the anger I have towards her when she always finds a way to provoke it. I don't want to go into all the details as that would just stir up more bad feelings, but let me just give you one example. In addition to my teaching, I occasionally do voice recording work for my school after my teaching hours, at the head office. I completed five hours of recording by the end of March and submitted the hours to my boss on Thursday, April 5th in time for the March payday on April 10th. Well, here it is nearly two full work weeks later and I still have not received my overtime pay. I left her another note today, so we'll see what happens tomorrow. This incident is just one example of how I have been badly treated over the course of this year. My boss does not know how to communicate and ignores me when I make an attempt to effectively communicate with her. She speaks no English and does not arrive at the school until 2pm (I arrive by 10am) and still manages to make herself unavailable by ducking in and out for hours at a time. The school stays open until 9pm--I finish working at 6pm, and she's usually not in her office when I leave. I could say a lot more here, but the bottom line is, I am dealing with a woman who does not realize that she is not dealing with a Korean, she is dealing with a foreigner, which requires a different sensitivity and approach in communication. When I first started working here and I had problems, I always spoke to her calmly and in a professional manner. The science projects are too difficult to do with little kids, could we do it another way? Find a way to make it work, she said. It is June 2006, the summer is raging. I can't sleep at night in my apartment. When will I get my air-conditioner? You will get it soon, she said. Two weeks later--Angie I really need an air-conditioner, I'm hot. When will I get it? As soon as possible, she says dismissively, and with more than a trace of annoyance. It's the end of June I've been teaching for about a month. I'm called into her office along with my Korean co-worker, the translator. Do you have problems teaching children? No, I say. You have to sing more songs and play more games with them, she says. Okay, I think to myself, then why didn't you tell me that when I first arrived? Why didn't you give me an orientation and training (like the contract said I would get) so I would know how you wanted me to teach the kindergarten students from the get-go?

That's just a small glimpse into what my working life has been like over the past 11 months. At this point, I am crossing off the days, with 24 left to go. I just want to find some way to be happy. Life is not pleasant when you have a job you hate. Everytime a thought of how much I dislike my boss floats into my head, I try to replace it with a more positive thought, but it's not easy to do. She wants me to respect her just because she's the boss. But how can I respect her when she behaves like suvh a tyrant? How can I give her a sincere, warm smile when I feel nothing but hate towards her?